"Anglican Split Is Really About Scriptural Authority, Not Gay Marriage"

Click here to read an excellent article by Eric Metaxas entitled Anglican Split Is Really About Scriptural Authority, Not Gay Marriage. He hits the nail on the head.

I Attended a Ceremony This Past Weekend

My family and I attended a ceremony a few days ago.

We met with a hundred or so other people in a church building. We all sat in long rows. Most everybody there was quiet the majority of the time. The exception was the couple of hymns we were invited to sing. The pastor did almost all the talking. We followed a specific order of ceremony, outlined for us in a bulletin. The pastor preached/spoke to us in monologue form. It felt like we were watching a show.

What we attended was a wedding.

My family and I enjoyed it very much. We love the folks who were married, which made the wedding a happy occasion. Additionally, we don't usually go to more than one wedding per year. Due to the infrequency, it was special.

You probably see where I'm going with this post. The above ceremony I described could also be an accurate picture of most worship services. This is problematic for a couple of reasons. First, worship services are frequent. Nobody needs to attend frequent ceremonies. Ceremonies by definition are supposed to be special in part because of their infrequency. When they happen weekly (or more) they lose a lot of luster. Second, church meetings should be family get-togethers. These are, almost by definition, informal. Families hang out, simply spending time together. They participate in each others' lives. This cannot happen during ceremonies.

Weddings ought to be ceremonies. Church gatherings not so much. Let's make sure that when we come together we generally do so informally. This is when family life truly happens.

Linking: "Shut Up, Bigot!: The Intolerance of Tolerance"

Ben Crenshaw discusses both the old and the new tolerance in his fantastic piece entitled Shut Up Bigot: The Intolerance of Tolerance.  The money quote:

We must challenge postmodern thought at a fundamental level and reintroduce the old vision of tolerance into society. This will be most effective if we practice the old tolerance, visibly and powerfully demonstrating that it is possible to hold to objective truths and dissenting views while being respectful and loving toward those with whom we disagree. Such interpersonal virtues are rarely seen in a culture where social media exchanges and comment threads overflow with vitriol. Only by consistently and unfailingly teaching and practicing the old tolerance—and defending its epistemological foundations—will there be any chance of overturning the new tolerance.

Take a few minutes to read the essay. It's worth it.

Excellent

This.

A Wonderful Wedding

On Saturday Alice's and my daughter Caroline was married. It was a wonderful occasion. I thank the Lord for blessing the entire day. The ceremony was beautiful; I'm thankful to my brother-in-law Tony, who performed the wedding, for keeping things Christ-centered. As for the reception, it was a lot of fun. We kept things fairly simple, and just enjoyed eating while talking with family and friends. It was a great day.

Pictured above, from left to right, are my wife Alice, myself, our daughter Caroline, her new husband Shane, our son Bobby, and our daughter Mary.

Our Daughter Is Getting Married Tomorrow! Yikes!

Alice's and my daughter Caroline is getting married tomorrow. Although this has been coming for some time it still seems surreal. Everything appears to be going well are far as preparations are concerned, but I'm still a little nervous. After all, I've never been through this before (the Father-of-the-Bride part).

In all seriousness, Alice and I are both excited and pleased. Caroline is marrying a nice young man named Shane. He and his parents lived nearby; they are a great family. As a bonus, Shane and Caroline will be living only a few minutes away (so we can bother them a lot). It is a good situation all around.

Although I hope the wedding goes well, the much more important thing is the marriage. I pray that God will bless them with many, many years together. After salvation, being married may be God's greatest gift to humanity. I've been married to Alice for almost 25 years now. I wouldn't trade any of it for anything.

Ultimately, marriage is picture to us of Christ's love for His church. Paul tells us in Ephesians 5:

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband (Ephesians 5:25-33).

Now, I just have to remember my one line for the wedding. It's something like, "Her mother and I do."

Excellent Response to Those Trying to Redefine Marriage

This short video offers an excellent response to secular culture's attempt to redefine marriage. Frankly, I'm not all that interested in the political and financial aspects. Rather, what I'm concerned about is the theological. I appreciate Ryan Anderson's statements about the clarity of the definition of marriage: one man and one woman in a permanent union. Also, note that the questioner has no clue how to answer Anderson's question.

Courtship Anyone?

Many years ago my wife Alice and I decided that our children weren't going to do the "dating thing." We'd seen far too much heartache come from dating and wanted to save our kids from this. At the time it was an easy decision; our children were very young.

Fast forward to the present. Our older daughter is now nineteen. I still don't know where the years went. Regardless, she likes a young man and he likes her. He is one of the few non-troll twenty-year-old males in the Savannah area. If he had shown any troll-like tendencies, he'd already be long gone. Amazingly, I actually like him.

They began as friends. After it became clear to all involved that this was more than friendship, Alice and I sat them down to discuss parameters going forward. Basically, we told them that they weren't going to date by modern standards. This was no surprise to our daughter, but it may have shocked the young man a little. Instead of dating, they would be courting. It was that way or no way.

The key to courting is that it has the possibility of marriage as an end goal. It's not just for amusement. It has long-term implications, not simply present time fun. I wondered if the word "marriage" would scare him off. It didn't. Good for him.

For clarification, two people who are courting will not necessarily get married. It might not work out for various reasons. However, that possibility is in place, is discussed, and is a goal. On the other hand, dating is temporal.

Like most things in life, courting can take various forms. I've seen some courtships that seemed too restrictive to me. I've looked at others and wondered how it was any different from dating. I hope Alice and I have hit an appropriate middle point.

Five solid reasons for courting come to mind. Some of these could apply to dating as well, but courting makes it much more feasible:

1. Courting lets everyone get to know everyone. One of the main places our daughter sees her boyfriend (we agreed that "boyfriend" was an acceptable term) is in our living room. We get to see him, too. We don't hover (at least not all the time). Instead of going out on dates alone, they see each other in houses (ours or his family's) where people can spend time talking.

2. Courting takes things slowly. In our society the tendency is for young people to get attached very quickly. Courtship, on the other hand, allows things to progress more slowly and naturally. This is good because if things don't work out (marriage), then the parties involved won't get as hurt.

3. Courting allows for expectations to be made clear. This one can apply easily to dating as well. The parents and the young people can discuss what is involved and what is not. There will be no confusion.

4. Courting gives opportunity for discipleship. Since much of the activity takes place in the home, there is time for discipleship to take place. This can take many different forms, but the end goal is that both young people grow closer to Christ. Actually, the goal is that everyone involved (including parents, siblings, etc.) grows closer to Christ.

5. Courting reduces temptation. Since the young people are together only when others are around, it automatically reduces temptation. When young people go out on dates alone, all sorts of things can happen. We want our children to avoid these types of situations. It will lead to less heartache going forward into marriage.


The word courtship tends to scare some people away. It brings up images of ultra-strict fundamentalist families who lock their daughters away until age twenty-five. I want nothing to do with that. Frankly, I'm not even hung up on using the word courtship. Alice and I choose to use it because it differentiates from today's dating practices.

It is God's decision whether or not he wants our children to get married. He obviously knows what is best for them. Alice and I want to help them reach adulthood with no regrets when it comes to relationships with the opposite sex. We also want to help them get to know and possibly marry other Christian young people.

So far, by the grace of God, things are going well in our family's first courtship. I praise God for that.

What Makes Two People Married?

What makes two people married? Specifically, what makes two people married in the sight of God?

I have no real interest in what the state has to say on the issue of marriage. Secular culture is going to do what it's going to do.

But what causes God to consider two people to be married? In light of all the marriage-confusion in our society at large and the church specifically, I think this question should be asked.

God has made it clear that one man can marry one woman. He's limited it to this. Genesis 2:24 tells us, "Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." There are no other options.

So, if a man and a woman want to be married, what signals that they are married? What is required to make it so?

Does God require a public ceremony? It is interesting that all cultures of all time have both recognized marriage as an institution and have had some sort of ceremony to signal its beginning. We know that Jesus himself attended a wedding at Cana. However, does a ceremony have to occur? It does not seem to. Couples that go to a judge to get married or fly to Vegas to tie the knot are still considered married. I believe God sees them as so.

What about the act of sexual intercourse? Does this cause people to be married? Well, in scripture we see people having sex but not being married. In our culture people are fornicating left and right. No one considers this to cause marriage to occur.

So, what makes it so? If a couple simply lives together for a while, is this enough? Although some states might consider this to be some sort of "common-law" marriage, it does not appear that God recognizes it as such.

So what takes a couple from not being married to being married? We find the answer back in Genesis 2:24. Although the wording of the verse is directed to the male, it applies to both parties involved. There is a three-step process. First, they leave their parents. This is not necessarily a physical departure (in some cultures the young couple lives with one set of parents for quite some time). Instead, it describes a departure of identity. Second, upon leaving the parents the couple holds fast (clings) to one another. They become closer to one another than anyone else on earth. They hold on and don't let go. Third, they become one flesh. In many ways they go from being two people to one person. They are one unit. This describes much more than just physical union. It talks about a couple becoming one in covenant with each other, forsaking everyone else.

What we see described in 2:24 is usually accompanied by a public ceremony of some kind (a wedding). That's where the becoming one can be seen and declared publically. This seems appropriate. That's probably why it occurs in all cultures. However, it is not necessary.

The key is Genesis 2:24. It is where we learn what God thinks. It is by this verse that we see what makes a man and a woman married.

Interestingly, Jesus gives a commentary on the significance of 2:24. In Matthew 19:3-6 we read the following:

And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, "Is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause?" He answered, "Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, 'Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate."

This is not surprising since Jesus is God. He has stated early in the bible just what he considers important for a man and a woman to be married.

In the midst of our cultural marriage-confusion, we would do wise to keep Genesis 2:24 in mind.

Twenty-One

On this date in 1991 Alice and I were married. Today marks twenty-one years of wedded bliss.

Other than Himself, Alice is God's greatest gift to me. She truly is a marvelous woman who loves the Lord (which is understandable) and loves me (less understandable). Since I was only twenty when we wed, quick math tells that I've been married longer than I've not. The married part has been better.

Most of my co-workers are not married. Several of them live with other folks. Some are divorced. Almost all of them have a negative view of marriage. The things they say indicate that they generally think of marriage as unnecessary, confining, and/or pointless. How sad this is.

Marriage is a sweet gift of God to His creation. Not only does it give us a deep relationship on earth like no other, but it also grants us a peek into the wonder of the intimacy within the Trinity.

God's design for things is always best. Marriage is one of the supreme examples of this.

Discussing the Dreaded "Exception Clause" Within the Context of Church Family

When our church family gathers as a large group, one of the things we usually do is study through a section of scripture. We are currently working our way through the book of Matthew. This past Sunday we began discussing Matthew chapter 19.

Studying through Matthew 19 means dealing with the dreaded "exception clause." I'm referring to Matthew 19:9 were Jesus says, "And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery." (exception clause emphasized)

The meaning of the exception clause has been argued by Christians for many years. You've likely had the discussion yourself. Although I personally hold to the betrothal view, my point in this post is not to go down that path. Instead, I simply want to talk about the discussion we had.

As we gathered, we had about twenty people in the room. At least one-half have been directly or indirectly involved in and/or impacted by divorce. Therefore, this was not some sort of theoretical talk. It was real.

The body-life context of the discussion was critical. We all know one another well. We have solid, deep relationships. We trust one another. It's not perfect, but we are a family. Therefore, as we began to talk the entire atmosphere was one of grace and love. At the same time, we desired to seek God's truth and avoid falling into some sort of postmodern interpretive pit "just to make everyone happy."

We talked for quite a while about various aspects of marriage, divorce, God's desire for marriage, God's thoughts on divorce, what Moses meant and did not mean, what the exception clause may mean, what Christians should do now who have been divorced, what Christians should do now who have remarried after divorce, and what Christians should do now who are struggling in their marriages.

This passage could have led to one of two negative outcomes. First, we could have simply glossed it over, avoiding it to "keep the peace." Second, we could have argued over it in a nasty way. I'm happy to say that neither happened.

Instead, in the context of church family, we were able to talk about this hard passage in love, grace, and mercy. There was no judgment from any of us. We desired to see the truth and apply it from here forward.

It was beautiful to watch the body in motion. With various people adding to the conversation, different points of view and concerns came to the surface. Each person who spoke added a little bit to what we were all learning. We all gained in Christ from one another.

One example of this comes to mind. After I talked about why I hold to the betrothal view, a good friend of mine cross-referenced to Matthew 1:18-25. This is the passage where Joseph is betrothed to Mary and finds out that she is pregnant. The beauty was that this brother of mine added to the conversation in a way that I didn't. I hadn't even thought of that passage.

We as a group were also able to help some within the family deal with tough questions related to marriage and divorce. Many Christians struggle with their pasts related to this. Within the context of love and acceptance, we were able to ask hard questions and try to help these folks apply these.

I would not want to discuss this passage in any other setting. I was reminded again how we all need each other. We need one another not just for encouragement, but also to help one another determine the meaning of scripture. Our church family context enabled us to delve into this tough passage, dig for truth, dare to apply it, and lovingly encourage one another in the process.

My hope for you is that you have this sort of opportunity to share body life in a way that everyone is built up in Christ.

20 Years of Marriage

Today Alice and I celebrate 20 years of marriage. I'm amazed it has gone so quickly. God has blessed us immeasurably through these two decades, and we praise Him for it.

Marriage as God planned it is a gift of His grace to draw us closer to Him. As we live intimately with another person, we learn what it is to give of ourselves completely in a meaningful way. I'm sure that many unmarried people have learned this in other ways, but for me, I needed marriage to learn what service is. Frankly, over the years with my wife I've probably been served more than I have done the serving.

Alice is truly a wonderful wife. She sacrifices every day for this family. She has followed me over the years from New York to Georgia to North Carolina to India and back to Georgia. Alice is a terrific mother who educates our children in an exceptional manner.

I have been blessed to be married to Alice for twenty years and am already looking forward to the next twenty. Marriage is a sweet gift from God.

I'm reminded of Proverbs 31:10, "An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels."

Marrying Yourself?

If you can't find someone to marry, can you marry yourself? This young lady in Taipei is doing just that.

According to the bride-to-be, "It's not that I'm anti-marriage. I just hope that I can express a different idea within the bounds of a tradition."

She goes on to say, "I was just hoping that more people would love themselves."

This is simply another example of what happens when the world rejects God's plan for marriage. The possible outcomes for marriage are now endless. When will people begin marrying groups of people, animals, trees, the moon, amoebas, galaxies, plastic wrappers, lawn chairs, e-mails, etc.?

I guess we can at least hope that this young bride enjoys her solo honeymoon in Australia.

I do have two questions for her:

First, will she keep her own last name or change her last name to her own last name?

Second, if she eventually meets someone she wants to marry, does she have to divorce herself in order to marry that person?

It all ends up in the absurd when we stop following God's plan.

Another List: Good That Comes From Courting

Yesterday I blogged about the good that can come from dating while in high school (or younger).

Today's list focuses on the good that can come from courting in high school or later.

(For clarification, when I use the term "courting" I'm referring to the process of a male and a female purposely entering into an exclusive relationship in order to see if marriage is the correct course of action. Both sets of parents are actively involved in the courtship and work together to see if the relationship will be beneficial to all parties concerned. In my view, both the male and the female get veto-power. No forced marriages should happen.

This definition may sound dull, but the real process is much more exciting. Also, you may have a better definition. If so, please leave it in the "comments" section.)

This list is by no means exhaustive. If I have left out any obvious positives, please let me know.

The following list of ten good things that can come from courtships are in no specific order. As you can see, some are of the positive nature (what happens) while others are more negative (what doesn't happen).

1. Commitment is the focus instead of romantic feelings.

2. Romance comes after commitment, so there are far fewer instances of heartache.

3. Priorities can remain intact (God being number 1) without subjective feelings interfering.

4. Much discussion occurs of whether or not core values and expectations match up well.

5. Families get to know each other very well before the marriage takes place.

6. The process brings individual families closer together because the subject is so important and personal.

7. Temptation is at a minimum because there is little-to-no alone time for the couple early in the relationship. The early focus is on getting to know each other.

8. Time during the high school years can be concentrated on growing closer to God and growing in how to live in this world for Him. No time is wasted on "recreational dating."

9. There are few regrets by those involved in courting (it's not fail-safe, but it is much better than dating).

10. There is no "divorce practice." Since breakups don't occur during courting, those involved don't get accustomed to dumping and getting dumped. Ideally, the male and female end up marrying the first person they really care about.

This is not a perfect list. I'm sure I have left out some important things and/or written these in a manner that is not the best. However, I believe the primary themes are accurate. Some will call me "fundamentalistic," "old fashioned," or "less evolved than a cave troll." Nevertheless, courting is the much better way (better than dating) of bringing about the beginning of a joyful, godly marriage.

A List of Good That Comes From Dating in High School (or Younger)

I've compiled a list below of the good that can come from dating in high school (or younger).

(For purposes of clarification, I'm talking about positive outcomes from a male and a female being involved in an exclusive, romantic relationship. I'm assuming that they are too young to get married within the next few years; if they intend to get married soon, then this may not apply.)

So here's the list:

1.

Well, I never made it past number 1. The reason for this is not lack of thought. In fact, I've pondered this issue quite a bit. I simply don't see any positive outcomes from dating while in high school. It may seem fun at the time, but the end result is usually heartache or worse for at least one of the parties involved.

More importantly, dating is nowhere modeled for us in scripture. When we look at the broad picture of what God wants from His followers, He gives some of them the joy of marriage. Others He blesses with singleness. Nowhere does God sanction or even hint at approving of multiple dating-style relationships.

Dating is a modern, secular idea. Of course society will embrace it. What is problematic is that so many Christians approve of and get involved in dating relationships without giving any thought to whether or not God approves of it.

Dating is a train wreck waiting to happen. The younger the people involved, the worse the problems. Let's say two Christian teens begin dating at age fifteen. Maybe they really like each other. Maybe they would even like to get married. The problem is that they are now "all dressed up with nowhere to go." They probably have intense feelings for one another that are very real. They may want to get married (with all that involves). However, unless they plan to get married soon, they will end up frustrated, tempted, or worse.

I implore you. Please think through the problems dating brings. The good is minimal at best, while the bad can be hugely devastating.

Let's try our best to think what God thinks about dating. Wait until you are old enough to marry, then ask God to find someone godly to be your spouse. Court that person, get married, and rejoice in Christ.

On Divorce

Albert Mohler takes an excellent look at the evangelical church's view of divorce as it compares to other political-cultural issues such as abortion, homosexuality, etc. Mohler asks some good questions that should cause us to think.

"With One Voice"

Just a cursory glance at our culture shows us that there is much confusion when it comes to singleness, dating, and marriage. This confusion is rampant both outside and inside the church. In With One Voice, Alex and Marni Chediak try to answer that confusion.

The subtitle tells a lot about this book. It reads, "Singleness, Dating, and Marriage to the Glory of God." As soon as I read this I figured that I would like the book. The reason for this is that the authors understand that these issues go beyond the individual's own desires. Instead of thinking of ourselves, we need to think about what God would have from us.

This book is short (150 pages), simple, and easy to read. It is also very practical. The Chediaks do not spend much time in philosophical reasoning. Instead, they get down to practical "nuts-and-bolts" very quickly.

If you have thought through the issues of singleness and dating from a biblical perspective, then I would not bother reading this book. However, if you have not done so, then go ahead and read this one. It is ideal for young people in particular who are or will soon be facing these issues.

Too Many Problems to Figure Out

Some news stories describe situations that are full of so many problems that they are difficult to figure out. Click here to read about the problems that some "married" gays are having in getting divorces. What a mess.

Here's an interesting question: What do you think God thinks of gays, who the state recognizes as married, getting divorced? Is it good, bad, or just ugly?

"Wreckreational Dating"

I've come up with a new term to describe what I see so often in our society: wreckreational dating.

Especially among teenagers, but also among many 20-30 somethings, dating continues to have disastrous effects. Again and again, we see boys/men and girls/women (for the most part anymore) coming together to date for what is supposed to be recreational pleasure. Some may have marriage in mind, but many do not. The goal for most is simply this - fun.

Instead of fun, what dating ends up doing is providing divorce practice. The reason for this is that most people who date for pleasure end up breaking up. This causes, at least for one party, torn feelings of sadness and despair. It also gets people used to breaking off male-female relationships.

This says nothing of the temptations that dating people face. If they are human, those who are dating will be physically attracted to each other. However, there is nothing that they can do with these feelings (that is, if they want to honor God). Paul tells us that it is better to marry than to burn, but for people who are dating for pleasure, they have nothing to do but become increasingly frustrated.

Because of these problems, I'm convinced that "recreational dating" does not, in fact, exist. A much better term that describes the reality of what we see in the dating scene is "wreckreational dating." The reason for the spelling should be clear. Modern dating usually leads not to marriage, but rather to a train wreck of destroyed emotions.

Is there a better alternative? Yes. That alternative is courtship. While the main purpose of dating is temporary pleasure, the main purpose of courtship is marriage. Courtship is a man and a woman spending time together with a specific goal: to see if marriage is appropriate between them. The key is that they are moving toward marriage. Pleasure is secondary. The specifics of different courtships may vary, but the goal is the same.

Courtship has several benefits. It saves emotional heartache, reduces sexual frustration, and does not provide any divorce practice.

I highly encourage courtship while at the same time strongly discourage wreckreational dating.

(Click here to read more that I've pondered about this topic.)

On Marrying an Avatar

Either we have a source of authority or we do not.

For followers of Christ, that source of authority is the bible.

For those who do not know Christ, there really is no objective authority. All decisions are based on subjectivism, feelings of the moment, personal preference, and what that individual thinks "is right for me." This completely subjective morality extends to all areas of life - even marriage. When biblical restraints are rejected, anything becomes possible and even probable. Our world is now quickly embracing the gay lifestyle as not just normal but preferable. Logically, if gays can marry, then anyone can. People can even marry non-people. People can even marry avatars. Wow.