Leaving the paid pastorate, as I did, is mostly a positive thing. However, there are a few negatives that are long-lasting. One of these is that some friendships end up sort of fading away. Many of these are friendships with other pastors.
Professional pastors tend to have a comparatively large amount of flexibility in their schedules. This does not mean that they don't have numerous tasks to perform, but rather that they can do many of them any time they want (except on Sundays of course). This flexibility lends itself to much freedom in getting together with other professional pastors. Since their jobs are similar, pastors often have much to talk about. Friendships between pastors come relatively easily.
When I was a salaried pastor I became friends with a number of other pastors in the Savannah area. Some were Southern Baptists, but others were not. We enjoyed getting together, talking about life, and discussing church-related issues. Sometimes I met with just one other pastor; other times we got together in large groups. In the midst of all this I became pretty good friends with a number of these men.
As I said above, the difficult thing about leaving the pastorate is that these friendships often almost cease to exist. This happens for two distinct reasons. First, those leaving the pastorate (like me) to get regular jobs quickly find out that most jobs have little flexibility. There simply isn't time to get together all that often. In my case, with working 60 hours per week I rarely get together with anyone other than on Sundays. I just don't have time for those former friendships. I don't like to admit that, but it is the reality.
The second reason for the fading friendships is that those leaving the pastorate are, by their very actions, calling into question the livelihoods of their pastor friends. I've made it clear in my writing that I believe that no one should be a professional pastor. In looking in scripture, we see that it is not in God's plan for His church. Those receiving paychecks from churches are operating according to man's ideas and not God's. These sorts of statements cause an unavoidable tension between the parties involved.
In the end, mostly because of a lack of time, the friendships sort of fade into oblivion. For the most part this is not because anyone wants it, but rather because life just moves on.
If I had the time I would seek out some of the men I've used to be close to. For now, though, I have many former friends who are still professional pastors. I do not blame them at all for our not getting together. If it is anyone's fault it is mine.
Lesson learned: when you leave the salaried pastorate there will be a price to pay. Fading relationships with other pastors is just part of that price.
Professional pastors tend to have a comparatively large amount of flexibility in their schedules. This does not mean that they don't have numerous tasks to perform, but rather that they can do many of them any time they want (except on Sundays of course). This flexibility lends itself to much freedom in getting together with other professional pastors. Since their jobs are similar, pastors often have much to talk about. Friendships between pastors come relatively easily.
When I was a salaried pastor I became friends with a number of other pastors in the Savannah area. Some were Southern Baptists, but others were not. We enjoyed getting together, talking about life, and discussing church-related issues. Sometimes I met with just one other pastor; other times we got together in large groups. In the midst of all this I became pretty good friends with a number of these men.
As I said above, the difficult thing about leaving the pastorate is that these friendships often almost cease to exist. This happens for two distinct reasons. First, those leaving the pastorate (like me) to get regular jobs quickly find out that most jobs have little flexibility. There simply isn't time to get together all that often. In my case, with working 60 hours per week I rarely get together with anyone other than on Sundays. I just don't have time for those former friendships. I don't like to admit that, but it is the reality.
The second reason for the fading friendships is that those leaving the pastorate are, by their very actions, calling into question the livelihoods of their pastor friends. I've made it clear in my writing that I believe that no one should be a professional pastor. In looking in scripture, we see that it is not in God's plan for His church. Those receiving paychecks from churches are operating according to man's ideas and not God's. These sorts of statements cause an unavoidable tension between the parties involved.
In the end, mostly because of a lack of time, the friendships sort of fade into oblivion. For the most part this is not because anyone wants it, but rather because life just moves on.
If I had the time I would seek out some of the men I've used to be close to. For now, though, I have many former friends who are still professional pastors. I do not blame them at all for our not getting together. If it is anyone's fault it is mine.
Lesson learned: when you leave the salaried pastorate there will be a price to pay. Fading relationships with other pastors is just part of that price.
2 comments:
Eric,
I know, from personal experience, the truth of which you write.
Several of the pastors with whom I thought I had genuine friendship, made it clear, when we began tent making, that our "friendship" was conditional on my walking in lock step with them. The same applied to many of the denominational congregational members who learned of the change.
Yet, as you mention, it was "mostly a positive thing".
Even worse when I looked closely at the theology I had adhered to during those many years, and moved slightly.
John,
I hoped you would comment because I figured you had experienced something similar.
The interesting thing in my case is that none of the pastors rejected me. Frankly, most said nothing at all. It could have been a silent form of rejection, but I think for most it was just the general momentum of the busyness of life.
My guess is that my position makes them begin to ask questions they'd rather not think about. Therefore, it is simpler for them not to get together with me. That said, I haven't exactly reached out to many of them. It is, to use a cliche, a two-way street.
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